You could have missed this.

Psalm 27:13 has been a verse that has stuck with me for most of 2017. ‘I would have lost hope if I did not believe that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.’

Someone referred me to it back in March, when my life  was kind of a total mess. My anxiety was out of control, I hated my job, and  I just left a group I had loved, but it started to do more to damage my soul than help it grow. Not to mention my best friends lived hundreds of miles away.  All I wanted to do was get out of this place and start over, to the point where I almost accepted a garbage job I would have hated just to escape.

Then, I took the chance and did something out of the normal. I drove, by myself, to a worship night over an hour away hosted by a group I didn’t know. I finally get to the place, and don’t see the car of the two people I would have known. My anxiety was to a point where I almost drove an hour, sat in the parking lot for another 15, and was deciding to not even go in- and to just go home. As my last resort, I said: “okay, God. If this is where you want me, someone else is going to come in the next five minutes, and I’ll go in when they do. If not,I’m going home.” Barely a minute later, a car pulls in, and a girl gets out. So, I casually walk in as she does( creeper moment. I know.) We chatted it up for a bit, and that was pretty much it.

Who knows why she was late. Maybe she worked late. Maybe she stopped for coffee or couldn’t find her phone. Neither of us knew at the time just how significant God was going to make that moment in our lives.Next month, when worship night came around, I remembered thinking, “at least that girl will be there, too.” We introduced each other to our friend groups, and the rest is history.
Continue reading “You could have missed this.”


[26/52] Adventure is out there, and this year, I found it!

As 2017 comes to a close, we all get a little contemplative. Every year, I make some pretty lofty New Year’s resolutions. This year was full of a lot of unexpected moments. Looking back at those resolutions, there isn’t one that I actually kept.  The difference between this year and other years is that instead of disappointment, I’ve found gratitude.  There’s not an ounce of regret for how my year turned out. I’ve loved Disney’s Up since it came out;so, I called my January 1, 2017 post “Adventure is out there.” Instead of completing a checklist and doing things that really meant nothing, I really found adventure.

That quote was in a message a friend preached that God used to spark it all. I was in a complacent situation. I knew God was calling me to act, but I was staying put out of fear. The words she spoke were the flashing neon sign I had been insisting God had to send me. Looking back, I spent 2017 learning how to fly. I took a leap of faith in leaving an organization in which I spent years investing in its mission. I ventured away from the familiar and comfortable and found friends I couldn’t imagine this year without, people who are good stewards of my heart and commitment to following Jesus. I left a good job with no plan of what would be next out of obedience, and God blew my mind with what He had waiting for me. I get to see kids inch closer and closer to healing every single day. My new to me car is better than any of the types I was researching.

2017 was nothing like I imagined it would be, and I couldn’t be more thankful.  I look back and see God lining up of His great puzzle where I was distracted by just a few pieces. Here are a few of the big moments.Untitled design

I might not have kept any of those resolutions, but 2017 has been full of moments where God has shown Himself faithful over and over again. He doesn’t just meet our needs; He exceeds them time and time again!He’s just getting started. I know that He holds even better things in store for 2018, and I can’t wait to see what this coming year will bring.


The Greenhouse Project Part 1: Preparation not Permanent 25/52

Here’s another book that found me. It came as a free copy in a leader’s gift bag from some conference. The Greenhouse Project is about the cultural shift that needs to happen in modern day youth ministry.

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A greenhouse isn’t meant to protect a plant forever. It’s a temporary place of preparation for surviving in the elements. The church is not meant to be a building where we as believers hide and wait for Jesus’ return.  It’s meant to be a place where we gather to prepare ourselves to reach others for the sake of the Kingdom.
Continue reading “The Greenhouse Project Part 1: Preparation not Permanent 25/52”

Letting Go Of Plans.[24/52]

If you know me, you know I’m a planner. I may not always be organized, but I like lists, plans and goal settings. For people like me, it’s sometimes so incredibly difficult to let go of our plans. Earlier this summer, I made my list of how this was going to be the best summer I’ve had in a long time. 16 things I was going to do. This summer ended up completely different than I planned.  I was going to just ignore it. Pretend that post never even happened. Maybe even delete it and sneak a boring post in that no one would notice and that I’d hopefully forget was a replacement. However, reality is a thing, and hiding from it doesn’t change the truth.

Continue reading “Letting Go Of Plans.[24/52]”

Villain Plays The Victim [23/52]

They see you a little too human,
A wolf dressed in Granny’s nightcap is still a wolf
Beyond the surface, the claws and teeth remain.

Cornered in the wolf’s den.
Screaming ‘til my throat is numb,
Countering every step to keep the space between us.
Doesn’t anyone hear me?
Isn’t anyone listening?
We can’t do anything unless the wolf attacks,
It’s not fair to the animal, they deserve second chances, too.
That’s all well and fine, and I’ll remind you when this happens to you.

When the wolf scratches her skin, and tears her limb from limb.
Wounds can heal, but there’s always scars.
Painful reminders of the time no one came through,
She cried for help, but what did you do?

We’ll scold the wolf, and reform his evil way.
A slap on the wrist, “be nice Mr. Wolf!
Now, go, and be on your way.”

Beneath the Surface [22/52]

This is another piece I wrote a few years back.

“Beneath the Surface”
The tinted glass, conceals the true contents.
Makeup for a building, to cover up the imperfections.
Never let them see you sweat.
Never let them know you’re human.

When did relating to the rest of humanity become a flaw?
Whose idea was it for the top of the self righteous pedestal to be our goal?

We build our stained glass towers,
To keep the world away.
Safe in our superficial steeple
While we watch the ivory fade to grey.

When did preserving our reputation become the priority?
How long do we think we can keep our facade in tact?

Our compulsive obsession to keep the dirt away.
Has given us a skewed version of clean.
We see the expensive fine made rug
But are afraid to see what’s swept beneath the surface.

Something a little different [21/52]

This summer has been all about getting back to things I used to love. One of those things is writing. Another one of those things is not being afraid of what others think/will say. The pieces I would call my better work have stemmed from some  heavier times. I never put them out there because I was afraid of the reaction they would get. Not any more. I’m getting back to being me, and that means honesty. This is something I wrote about 3-4 years ago.

Slowly, but surely,
I’m drowning.
The work. The demands. The expectations.
Why did I sign up for this?
Isn’t life more than this?

Never being done,
Barely getting by.
A little sleep, but never rest.

One thing after another.
How far can I stretch?
How long can this last?

The house of Truth.
Feeding into the lies.
Smothering that little flame inside.
Do they know what they do?
Do they even care?

They take credit for my good,
And blame me for their worst.
A momentary lapse of consideration,
leaves me stabbed once more.
Will I ever make it out?
Will I make it out alive?