Guess how many partially full water bottles are in my car right now? More than I want to admit. I know I’m not alone in that. As much as a few water bottles in my car are not the end of the world, it is a sign of a habit gone rampant in my life.
I grew up dabbling in sports, music, and theater, but I wasn’t good enough to be great in any of them. In school, I’d put in just enough effort to be good enough when a little bit more would have made me excel. When I worked in real estate, both of my positions got half of my attention. This meant neither of them went as well as they could have if they had my full attention. Even right now, my room is halfway clean, my laundry is only partly done, and I have two other posts semi-written and not ready for posting. This is just life.
However, if I order a full pizza, it would be unacceptable for them to deliver only half. If I buy a pair of shoes, I expect to take both shoes home. When I go to my incredible stylist, I would never allow her to only do part of my hair or shape one of my eyebrows(She would also never do this to me). If a good song is playing in the car when I reach my destination, you better believe I’m waiting until it’s finished to exit my vehicle.
Why then am I okay with not holding myself to that standard ? How can I live with the hypocrisy?
Because it’s safer. It’s not better, but it’s easier. I pride myself on being long-suffering, and for most situations that’s true. I’m pretty patient with people. I can wait out long lines. It takes a lot for me to really lose my temper with someone. There’s an exception. When it comes to myself, I’m quick to give up. I don’t have a lot of faith in myself; so, I always set myself up to have a quick exit strategy.
And that’s the mindset I’ve had with this nutrition and fitness journey so far. I started the program about three weeks ago, and I started out strong. Little by little, my effort faded. It was easier to take a few shortcuts. Even then, I was still seeing progress. This weekend, I gave up. I hit the “what’s the point?” mindset. I was about two minutes from messaging my coach that I was done, canceling my subscription for shakeology/workouts and throwing in the towel. Let’s be clear. My giving up was 100% about me and 0% about the program. Things were actually going well. I have lost over 5 pounds and a few inches in three weeks(keep in mind that’s three weeks of half effort) and more importantly, I have felt better. I don’t struggle to get out of bed every.single.morning. I don’t have an energy crash by 2:30pm and drag myself through the rest of the work day. I can focus in conversations. I’m off one of two medicines.
Then, I decided I wasn’t good enough to do this well. I was three weeks in and hadn’t even made a single post about it. It took Holy Spirit conviction for me to even bring it up beyond a few hashtags on Instagram. You know why? Fear. I realized I had been avoiding posting because I was afraid. What happens if I post, tell everyone about this whole health and wellness thing, and then I fail miserably? People will know. When people know, it means I can’t hide. I will be constantly reminded of it. The problem is that not sharing what I’m doing also makes it really easy to give up and avoid the encouragement and accountability I need to be successful. Tonight, this is what I decided.
I would rather be constantly reminded that I tried my best than reminded that I gave up on a great opportunity but not even really trying.
From here on out, I promise you two things 1) honesty. I’ll be sharing more about my life, what led me to this quest of health and nutrition. I won’t sugar coat things. On days I struggle, you’ll know. If I’m not about getting to half my weight in water that day or I try some new foods that tastes disgusting, you’ll hear about it. If I hit a plateau and get frustrated, I’ll be honest. If I avoid posting for a few days, I’ll fess up to it and commit to doing better. 2) To do this for real. No more halfway life.
Because I owe it to you to be honest, and I owe it to myself to see what happens when I give myself the effort I deserve.
In the same boat? You don’t have to be alone either. Looking for honesty and accountability? Let’s talk.