Here’s another book that found me. It came as a free copy in a leader’s gift bag from some conference. The Greenhouse Project is about the cultural shift that needs to happen in modern day youth ministry.
If you know me, you know I’m a planner. I may not always be organized, but I like lists, plans and goal settings. For people like me, it’s
sometimes so incredibly difficult to let go of our plans. Earlier this summer, I made my list of how this was going to be the best summer I’ve had in a long time. 16 things I was going to do. This summer ended up completely different than I planned. I was going to just ignore it. Pretend that post never even happened. Maybe even delete it and sneak a boring post in that no one would notice and that I’d hopefully forget was a replacement. However, reality is a thing, and hiding from it doesn’t change the truth.
They see you a little too human,
A wolf dressed in Granny’s nightcap is still a wolf
Beyond the surface, the claws and teeth remain.
Cornered in the wolf’s den.
Screaming ‘til my throat is numb,
Countering every step to keep the space between us.
Doesn’t anyone hear me?
Isn’t anyone listening?
We can’t do anything unless the wolf attacks,
It’s not fair to the animal, they deserve second chances, too.
That’s all well and fine, and I’ll remind you when this happens to you.
When the wolf scratches her skin, and tears her limb from limb.
Wounds can heal, but there’s always scars.
Painful reminders of the time no one came through,
She cried for help, but what did you do?
We’ll scold the wolf, and reform his evil way.
A slap on the wrist, “be nice Mr. Wolf!
Now, go, and be on your way.”
“Beneath the Surface”
The tinted glass, conceals the true contents.
Makeup for a building, to cover up the imperfections.
Never let them see you sweat.
Never let them know you’re human.
This summer has been all about getting back to things I used to love. One of those things is writing. Another one of those things is not being afraid of what others think/will say. The pieces I would call my better work have stemmed from some heavier times. I never put them out there because I was afraid of the reaction they would get. Not any more. I’m getting back to being me, and that means honesty. This is something I wrote about 3-4 years ago.
Slowly, but surely,
The work. The demands. The expectations.
Why did I sign up for this?
Isn’t life more than this?
Never being done,
Barely getting by.
A little sleep, but never rest.
One thing after another.
How far can I stretch?
How long can this last?
The house of Truth.
Feeding into the lies.
Smothering that little flame inside.
Do they know what they do?
Do they even care?
They take credit for my good,
And blame me for their worst.
A momentary lapse of consideration,
leaves me stabbed once more.
Will I ever make it out?
Will I make it out alive?
This is my recap and response to a message that sunk DEEP into hurting places in my life. Inadequacy is something that haunts all of us. For some it may be more subtle, but it is definitely still there. There are few messages I’ve heard that create an “everyone I know needs to hear this” response. This is one of them. I was only there because I overslept and missed the service where I was going to go. Just so happened this was the day the youth and children’s pastors were giving the message. Accidents just don’t exist. You can listen to the original message here.
At 28 years old, I am still only 5′ 1″. As you can imagine, I get plenty of short jokes. I’m the arm rest for tall friends. The Pastors also brought up the turmoil this sign created in their childhood, and as parents for their children.
This sign had the power to make or break any trip to an amusement park. As young children, we waited year after year until we would finally make the cutoff for all of the big kid rides. You knew your future of theme parks was set when you measured up to the height requirement sign. David in the Old Testament is no stranger to the agony of not measuring up.
Ahem. I clearly have fallen behind on blogging and every other resolution I may back in January…except one. I’ve still washed my makeup off before going to bed every single day. Time to get back to it!
If you know me, you know I love lists. Yesterday was the first day of summer. Few things make me as happy as summer officially being here. Last summer was full of working crazy hours and a whole lot of youth ministry. This is the first summer in a long time that I have this level of freedom in my schedule. I am so excited to have a typical summer. Here’s my to do list for Summer 2017
That’s my summer in a nutshell. Stay tuned as I get back on track from my hiatus from goals and plans.